Coping with a ‘new’ Christmas
Christmas can be a challenging time of year for separated families as expectations and emotions are high, established routines are interrupted and time with the children is divided. This can leave many parents feeling anxious about how they will navigate through everything in one piece. Change is always difficult, but the truth is that whatever the new reality, every person has a choice. They can either let it control and define how the holiday will pan out or have the opposite effect.
It is very easy to compare the new reality to past Christmases, but separated parents need to be open to the idea of creating new traditions with their families rather than relying on old ones. Rather than focusing on what cannot be done, the question should be what can. If one party is faced with spending Christmas day alone, it is important they ask themselves what it is that they are most dreading and be honest with the answer. Is it waking up on their own, spending the day by themselves, or something else? Once that person knows what is at the centre of the sense of dread, solutions to overcome this can be worked out.
If one parent has always spent Christmas day with their children, it will undoubtedly be challenging to be faced with not seeing them on this special day. Wherever possible, focus should be shifted to the time you do have together this Christmas. Create plans so that everyone can contribute to the new traditions and festivities. Children will always take their cue from their parents so if the parent is feeling down or resentful, the children will feel it too. Alternatively if the parent is upbeat and enthusiastic about the time they will have with their children, the children will likely be happier as well.
Christmas day is just one day and does not necessarily need to be on 25 December. If a parent is not going to have their children on this date, have a full-on Christmas on a different weekend. If the new reality is framed positively, the children can see the good in it. Ultimately, it takes as much energy to worry and stress about Christmas, as it does to make plans to turn things around and make it better for all. The key to success this Christmas is to shift focus, stop worrying about Christmas Day, and concentrate on what can be done to make the Christmas holidays as good as they possibly can be.
If you have any concerns about arrangements for children, or family breakdown in general, please get in touch with us.
Katherine Parker is a solicitor in the Family Department at Barker Gotelee Solicitors in Ipswich.
Suffolk Family Solicitors – for more information on our range of legal services, please call the team on 01473 611211 or email [email protected]
