Co-Parenting at Christmas: Tips for Separated Parents
That wonderful time of year is almost upon us. Mince pies and Christmas cards are already making an early appearance in the shops.
Whilst it can be a magical time for children, it can also be the beginning of a very stressful and anxious time for parents, especially for newly separated parents who may be facing the prospect of their first Christmas apart.
Perhaps this is the first Christmas day that you won’t be living with your children, or maybe this is the first time you will spend the Christmas period as the sole carer of your children. If so, then you are not alone.
With early planning, open communication, and a firm focus on the children’s best interests, Christmas can remain a magical time for the whole family. Here are some helpful tips for co-parenting at Christmas time.
Plan ahead
December is stressful enough without the added stress of co-parenting. Planning ahead and allowing time for any disagreements over contact arrangements to be resolved prior to the festive period, can help to reduce stress and ensure that children are settled into a routine, or at least have an expectation of the plans ahead.
Communication
When adapting to new changes and arrangements, it can be frustrating when plans aren’t going as you had envisaged. However, it is important to maintain respectful communication with your co-parent; this will help to prevent conflicts which may worsen the situation. Keep the conversations child focused. Refrain from involving the children in the discussions and only share plans with them once agreed.
Be realistic, be flexible
Being open to hearing the other parent’s suggestions for contact. It can help build trust in your relationship, which ultimately will benefit your children’s well-being.
Shared calendar
There are several helpful options out there to support co-parent planning, such as FamilyWizard – OurFamilyWizard | The Best Coparenting App.
Create new traditions
Comparison really can be the thief of joy. It can be easy to compare your new co-parenting routine to the routines of other families, and this can undermine your confidence as a parent. It is important to remember that whilst things may be different now for your family, this doesn’t mean that you are doing anything wrong. Make new traditions this year and make change an exciting concept rather than something to be avoided.
CAFCASS has a useful resource regarding co-parenting plans on their website, see here for more information on this.
What happens if you can’t reach an agreement?
If you are struggling to reach an agreement together then you may wish to consider the following options:
Mediation – agree to instruct a neutral third party to help you reach an agreement in a structured setting. The government offers a voucher scheme to assist with meeting the cost of mediation relation to children issues.
Instruct a Solicitor – if both parents instruct solicitors, they may be able you to assist you both in helping you to reach an agreement either through correspondence or by agreeing to a round table meeting. Consider both instructing a Collaborative solicitor whereby both solicitors can work with both parents to reach an agreement.
Arbitration – you can agree to appoint an Arbitrator to make a decision on your behalf if you can’t reach an agreement together. This will be a speedier process than the court system and can be on the narrow issue of child arrangements at Christmas.
Court Application – an application can be made to the Family Court for a Child Arrangements Order where absolutely necessary if despite all efforts you have been unable to reach an agreement together.
Co–parenting is challenging, but you are not alone. If you are struggling to reach an agreement regarding co-parenting, our family team would be happy to help. We can guide you through your options, support you in negotiations, and where necessary, help you apply to court to ensure that the children’s best interests remain at the heart of every decision. Sue Wardropper is also a Collaborative lawyer and is able to offer this process.
Sophie Mason is a Paralegal in the Family Team at Barker Gotelee Solicitors.
If you require advice about co-parenting at Christmas, or co-parenting in general, Sophie and our Family Team can help.
To speak to a member of the team, please call 01473 611211, or complete our enquiry form below.
